Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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