We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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