i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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