Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
