Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
