a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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