Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
