sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
