Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
