apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
