i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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