So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
