Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
