I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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