She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
