If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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