Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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