You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
