why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
