she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
We smell like vodka and hangover
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