she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I came so hard my ears popped.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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