I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
