Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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