yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
