your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
