I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
