Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
