does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
