Swine flu. Run for my life!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
