Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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