chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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