I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
