all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
