thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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