just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
