Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
