I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just found a bag of teeth...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
