oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
sex in a hospital.. check
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
