Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
