If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
