did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This is classic penis vs brain.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
