i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
