so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The air was thick with penises
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
