dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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