this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Enjoy the penises
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
