I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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