My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
