Four minutes until I can fart!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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