Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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