The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
