I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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