brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
