I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
