I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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