On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
