So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
