Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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